Parisian Mob Take Over Slums

Paris, France (UP) -- For the seventh straight night, mobs of poor immigrant Parisians have rioted through the streets of Paris, setting fire to busses and buildings, shooting at Police and Fire crews and taking over their dirty little neighbourhoods.

Jacques Chirac, the French President, has acknowledged the "profound frustrations" of troubled neighbourhoods but maintains that violence is not the answer.
"Zones without law cannot exist in the republic," the French leader said, although the French authorities are virtually impotent in attempting to prevent it.

Since French police have completely failed to maintain any semblance of order in the darkened streets of Paris over the past 7 nights, they have decided to switch tact’s beginning today. Undercover French police have taken to the streets to hand out small bags of Prozac and Marijuana to all the young immigrants they can find as "this is the group we are targeting" says French Officer Michele Chrétien.

It is believed that the Prozac and weed will calm down the troubled youth of the city enough that they will prefer to stay home and watch good French TV. As a side bonus, there is an expected cash windfall to the aptly named 'Drug-the-Immigrants' program; "We also anticipate this program to help other immigrants through increased sales of snack foods in local stores" says Officer Chrétien.

It is believed that the riots have escalated after comments from French Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, who believes that all French rioters are "scumbags".

And why are all of these poor, under-educated, un-employed immigrants rioting in the first place? We have no idea, but have heard it started because a local pastry store was sold out of crepes.