Migrating Birds not Wi-Fi compliant

As hundreds of millions of migrating birds head south for the winter, they will be faced with countless obstacles which will hinder their way along the thousands of miles they will travel as they attempt to make there way to warmer climates. Amongst those obstacles will be buildings, city scapes, low-flying airplanes, hunter, weather and pollution. Apart from the obvious however, a new enemy lurks in the skies as these precious travelers make there way to survival.

Wi-Fi, a popular medium for transferring data between computers and other portable electronics is proving to be quite a nuisance for these migrationists. According to sources from Ducks Unlimited International, certain frequencies can play havoc with the internal components of migrating waterfowl. One official was quoted as saying “We are finding more and more often that frequencies used with Wi-Fi “B” and Wi-Fi “G” are creating problems with the many different types of waterfowl we have been observing during this Migration period”.

“Wi-Fi technology is similar to that used in portable telephone technology, however, it provides a much more intense and focused signal” said Professor Jim Billingsworth of the University of Toronto. “It is quite conceivable that this form of communication could be interfering with the signals used by certain migrating birds to communicate with each other in flight; and that doesn't even start to touch on the immense amount of interference it must be causing to each birds own internal compass” mentioned Billingsworth.

With these reports in our minds, Unsound News took the test into our own hands to see if we could reproduce the issues at hand. “By collecting several ducks from our local park, we proceeded to set these ducks free from our building in the presence of our own Wi-Fi network router. In each test, the ducks were released in close proximity to the location of the Wi-Fi broadcast point” said Dan Merrill of Unsound News. “At first, we did not notice any difference in the flight ability of these birds regardless of whether or not we had our wireless network enabled. But then we dug out a portable amplifier and a small antenna; the extra juice cause two ducks to collide mid-air, and one goose flew in erratic circles around the building across the road until we finally turned off the router. By that point, the goose was so tired and mixed up, it just landed and waddled out into traffic before we could get to it again."