Best ways to stop procrastinating

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We all have busy lives and lately it seems like one of the most common phrases we have heard around here is some variation of "I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day to do what I need to". The funny thing is that we usually hear this from people standing around the water cooler, lounging around on a couch or generally pursuing some activity that is not getting them any closer to finishing whatever it is that needs to be done.

With this in mind, we set out see if we could find the reason why these people couldn't find enough time to get things accomplished and to see if we could come up with the best methods possible to help them out. That's just the type of people we are here at Unsound News, always helping out our fellow man, etc.

We contacted Dr. Philinsky at the Stanford institue of ethics, but he was asleep, no doubt procrastinating, so we went to a higher power. After much trouble, we were able to reach Dr. Opinilra from the New York Center of the Mind who was gracious enough to help us out.

Dr. Opinilra had this to say "Procrastination is all in the head of the procrastinator. Frankly procrastination is generally carried out by sloths." We were a little confused by the sloths comment as we were sure that procrastination was a Human trait; we pushed for more. "Sloths, I was trying to be PC... we are talking about really lazy people here; the more lazy the person, the more procrastinating gets done. Let's face it... people who are industrious do not procrastinate... this is definately a lazy thing."

Yes, but how does one get over a procrastination problem? Dr. Opinilra helped us out with this small list:

• Stop being so bloody lazy!! Stop complaining about not having enough time, get off your tubby backside and get something done!!!
• Drink copious amounts of coffee and coke
• Everytime you notice yourself complaining about not having time to do something, DO IT! It is a common trait with regular-procrastinators to spend so much time complaining about not having enough time, that they really don't have much time left. The time you spend complaing to everyone around you (who don't really care beyond the first comment anyway) could be more than enough time to do what you are complaining about not having enough time to do in the first place!
• To borrow a common slogan - JUST DO IT!
• If you an overly nervous person and the tasks that are piling up are so numerous that you feel daunted, start with baby steps. Prioritize the tasks and concentrate on the one at the top of the list first, when it is done, go to the next.
• Efedra dissolved in redbull. Start with one EfedRedBull every three hours - may give you some uncomfortable heart palpatations, but you will definately not feel like sitting around!
• If everything ends ass-up and you just can't seem to get what you need to do done, Forget about it! Really... if it wasn't important enough for you to get off the couch last month, or last week... then why bother. Just cross it off you list! Then you will have some free time to find something else to complain about!